Slow Ride...Take It Easy

I think those two or so days of some reprieve set me up for the last couple days of hell. I finally got my doctor to refill a scrip for hydrocodone (yes, sometimes it works and at the pain point I get desperate) after I convinced her I wasn't some kind of addict. She actually wrote in an email to me "I reviewed the neurologist's notes and I am glad to see that you actually do have some kind of pain" - Wow, Group Death must get alot of pain pill seekers in there because I have never had a doctor question me like this care team has.

Today I feel like someone has socked me in the jaw. It reminds me of when I was little and played softball - during one game I got hit in the jaw by a ball, not to hard, just enough to hurt.

While I was having an attack a couple days ago, I had a flashback to when I was about 5 or so. I remembered getting little jolts to the side of my head and I realized I have had those here and there all my life. It was just recently that they turned into a daily event with a pain scale no one could measure.

Ice: I've figured out I can only use ice when the pain is so bad that ice can't make it worse. I can then numb the nerve. My husband is shocked I can hold an ice pack directly to my face without a towel around it. Yes honey, it hurts that bad. However, if I try to use ice when it's just starting, then ice makes it worse by sending pain through the entire nerve. Does that make sense?

I decided to start taking vitamin B. I have started on vitamin b12. I need to research the rest of the B vitamins before I take them. I want to be informed.

I am going to call my neurologist this week and "ask" to be stepped up to 1800mg gabapentin although I am already doing that. It's not that I'm hiding it, it just kind of fell into my lap. (You'll have to read previous post for the whole story.) I am going to call. If I don't, it's really going to screw up my refills and I may end up with no pills at the end of the month...

I really am starting to look scary. Since Saturday I have been on the couch if not taking care of my kids. And I don't mean eating bon bons and watching soaps (I'd never do that anyway). I mean nursing the unstopping pain. I have long long hair and it's starting to look like I'm trying to concoct dreads or something. Either that or a nice magpie nest. My husband gets home at midnight (swing shift) so he promises to take care of the baby and let me shower. Thing is, I don't feel like it. I've noticed a depression and a decreased sex drive. Is it the drugs?

I found a GREAT youtube video that makes me feel understood. It's a Seattle News broadcast (I used to live in Seattle, yay!).

Watch it, you'll love it too.